The REAL feature: I lost you

The real feature lets you express your feelings and share your story with us. Today's heartfelt comes from a 19 year old who wished to remain anonimous; here is what he has to share.

May : I promised…

Hello ! would you like a powerful cocktail ?

Sure ! is it really that powerful ?

Haha ! so strong that you will feel like you can’t breathe anymore…

She said yes. It began.

Beginning of our story, beginning of an awful bliss, beginning of your slow goodbye.

She was pretty and clever, smiling and nice. She was my girlfriend. I was not mean anymore, I was honest, so was she. She changed me in ways I never thought possible..

Spending time together, imagining our future, we both knew we were going to last.. Untill one decision changed our lives forever.

Why didn’t I come with you? Why did I let you go there? Why did I turn a blind eye?

How could one party, one day, one night ruin an entire life?

Was it my fault? His fault? Our fault…

You made the decision to do it , your blood accepted it.

You tried to face me, I turned away.
Every single day was hell, I ran away, I was not there; you rejected me, neglected me. I cried but you still remained a prisoner in it’s powerful grip.

Once again, it was over, but this end tortured me, still tortures me and will keep torturing me.

No rope, I should have cut it.

I was there to tell you goodbye, touching this piece of stone, where you slept, cold and grey, sad and angry.
This month of May was beautiful, this goodbye was dreadful.

You jumped, and I stayed motionless. You hung and I looked away.

You married heroin, a deadly union.

…And I will bring you some flowers, as much as possible.

His girlfriend tragically comitted suicide because she could not cope with her growing addiction to heroin, which her boyfriend found out only a week prior to her death. He is now learning how to re-build his life and let go of the guilt he feels for not being able to stop her. 

A wasted life.

Let me tell you about another wasted life.
Let me tell you about a person who has died tonight.

He was a well known Russian buisinessman, who was imprisoned by the government who saw an enemy in him.
They wanted to scare him, break him, make him cooperate.
He didn't.
So they "accidentaly" withdrew blood from him with an infected syringe.
He contracted AIDS.
After a year, he was partially blind, had tuberculosis, and kidney cancer.
He still refused to break.
They still refused to let him go.

Today, this brave man has died, and I want to honour him, for standing up against our government.
He has given us hope for a better tomorrow.
May you rest in peace, Vasiliy Alexanyan. May your torturers die screaming, of cancer, like you did.

I do not belong.

"Trouble is my only friend,
And his back again..."

You ever get that sence of loss? Like you do not belong, and you lost everything that has ever connected you to someone? And I'm not talking about superficial things.. I'm talking about a general, ovewhelming sense of realisation, that what you are doing isnt something you should do, that you are meant for something else, you have an entirely different purpose.
And you have to let go. Let go of everything and start fresh.
You see, this is why I thing people leave us sometimes. No matter how good or bad they were, they did not belong in our life, they had a different path. They needed to go.
And it's hard to understand, it's scary...